Real men are stoic. They’re doers and fixers, not “feelers.” They don’t show emotions. And they definitely don’t cry.
That’s what we have been told our whole lives, right?
Well, I’m here to tell you that is not true.
My name is Kevin O’Connor, LPC-IT, and I created the website MentallyFitMen.com to promote mental health awareness and improve the lives of men and their loved ones. This site started as an advocacy project while I was a student in the Master’s in Counselor Education student (with an emphasis on Clinical Mental Health Counseling) at the University of Wisconsin–Whitewater.
As one of only a few men in the counseling program, most of my clients were men who wanted to work with a male therapist. Now in private practice, the majority of my clients are boys and men. There’s a pressing need for more male therapists in the field. But that’s only one of men’s unique barriers to accessing mental health care.
Over 6 million men have depression, but less than one-half of them seek help, according to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (Chatmon, 2020). And men are much less likely than women to receive mental health treatment. On average, women got treatment about 28.6% of the time, while men got treatment only about 17.8% of the time (Terlizzi & Schiller, 2022).
Men often shrug off symptoms like irritability, changes in mood or energy levels, and difficulty sleeping. Often that’s because of stereotypes surrounding masculinity and mental health. But, ignoring these symptoms can lead to feelings of sadness and hopelessness, somatic issues (physical symptoms like pain and fatigue), and even suicide. Men die by suicide nearly four times more than women. In 2018, the suicide rate was 22.8 per 100,000 men (Oliffe et al., 2019). And male veterans and LGBTQ men are at an even higher risk.
Not recognizing symptoms as well as not understanding the benefits of therapy can prevent men from seeking counseling as an option for them. Even when they do seek help, additional barriers, such as long wait times, the limited availability of male therapists, and financial constraints, can make it difficult for men to get the help they need.
There’s still a lot of stigma surrounding men’s mental health based on gender stereotypes, misconceptions, discrimination, and more:
Gender stereotypes: In some societies, traditional gender roles dictate that men should be strong, stoic, and unemotional. Men may avoid discussing their feelings and seeking help for mental health issues because they’ll be seen as weak or vulnerable.
Misconceptions: Myths about mental illness—such as it’s a sign of weakness or that it’s a choice—can be particularly harmful to men. They may feel pressure to follow traditional gender roles and hide their personal struggles.
Lack of representation and resources: Men’s mental health is often underrepresented in media, research, and public discussion. This can make it difficult for men to recognize when they’re experiencing mental health issues and find resources and support.
Fear of discrimination: Some men worry that seeking mental health help could lead to discrimination in their personal or professional lives, like losing their job or being ostracized by their friends and family.
BIPOC, LGBTQ, and older men, or men who are veterans or disabled often face additional stigmas and discrimination. I included further information and resources on the site.
Prioritizing your mental health and seeking treatment can not only help your emotional well-being but it can also lead to better physical health, improved relationships, and increased productivity and professional success.
MentallyFitMen.com provides men with a site dedicated to their mental health needs, addressing their most prevalent issues: depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), addiction, relationships, anger, and burnout. You’ll find practical information, resources, blog posts, and organizations that can help you find local mental health providers.
As a man, I know how important it has been to address my mental health and I am here to tell you it is ok to address yours.
Chatmon, B. N. (2020). Males and mental health stigma. American Journal of Men’s Health, 14(4), 155798832094932. https://doi.org/10.1177/1557988320949322
Oliffe, J. L., Rossnagel, E., Seidler, Z. E., Kealy, D., Ogrodniczuk, J. S., & Rice, S. M. (2019). Men’s depression and suicide. Current Psychiatry Reports, 21(10), 103. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11920-019-1088-y
Terlizzi, E., & Schiller, J. (2022). Mental health treatment among adults aged 18–44: United states, 2019–2021. National Center for Health Statistics (U.S.). https://doi.org/10.15620/cdc:120293
Kevin O'Connor, MS, LPC-IT, MFT-IT is a dedicated mental health counselor and founder of mentallyfitmen.com. With a Master's degree in Counselor Education, he specializes in men's mental health, working with individuals aged 10 and up, couples, and diverse populations. Through his blog, he challenges the stigma surrounding men's mental health. Kevin strives to empower clients, promote self-discovery, and develop practical strategies for personal growth.
Here are some specific examples of what partnership with us can look like. Every plan is customized — this is just a starting point.
Classroom wellbeing auditClassroom teachers assess their current wellbeing supports, identify specific strengths and gaps, and actively engage with research-based strategies to create an action plan for supporting student wellbeing in the classroom. This audit is more than a checklist—it’s a mirror that reflects how your everyday choices shape the mental health and wellbeing of everyone in your classroom. By pausing to rate, reflect, and plan, you will:
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Specialized mental health skill-building workshopsThis goes beyond basic literacy to provide staff with practical skills and techniques for managing specific situations and promoting positive mental health within the school. Examples
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Adult SEL developmentJust as students benefit from developing social-emotional skills, so do adults. Adult SEL focuses on educators understanding their own emotions, managing impulses, setting goals, showing empathy, building healthy relationships, and making responsible decisions. Examples
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Integration of mental health into curriculumEmbedding mental health education within the regular curriculum normalizes these topics, reduces stigma, and equips all students with foundational knowledge and skills related to their emotional well-being. Rogers’ understanding of key mental health concepts can inform curriculum development. Examples
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Mental health literacy trainingThis partnership focuses on equipping school staff with a foundational understanding of mental health concepts, common disorders in children and adolescents, and the importance of early identification and intervention. Examples
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Trauma-Informed practicesTrauma-informed practice recognizes the widespread impact of trauma and understands potential paths for recovery. In a school setting, this means understanding that students (and staff) may have experienced trauma and that these experiences can affect behavior, relationships, and learning. Training helps staff recognize the signs of trauma, respond in a way that avoids re-traumatization, and create a safe and supportive environment. It also includes understanding secondary trauma or compassion fatigue that educators may experience when working with individuals who have experienced trauma. Examples
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Mindfulness and stress reduction workshops for staffMindfulness involves paying attention to the present moment without judgment. Stress reduction techniques are practical strategies designed to lower physiological and psychological responses to stress. Training in these areas equips educators with tools to manage the inherent demands and pressures of their job, cultivate a sense of calm, and increase their capacity to be present and responsive. Examples
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Building resilience (CLE)Resilience is the ability to adapt well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress. Training in resilience helps educators identify their strengths, develop positive coping mechanisms, cultivate optimism, and build strong support networks. Examples
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Enhancing school climate – for the staffSchool climate refers to the quality and character of school life. A positive school climate for staff is characterized by trust, respect, collegiality, collaboration, and a sense of belonging. Consultation focuses on identifying areas for improvement and implementing strategies to foster a more supportive and positive environment. Examples
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Needs assessment and strategic planning (CLE)A systematic process of gathering information about the current state of staff wellbeing within the school, identifying key stressors, and understanding the needs and preferences of the staff. This data then informs the development of a targeted and effective plan for implementing wellbeing initiatives. Examples
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Developing supportive policies and practicesExamining existing school policies, procedures, and unwritten norms to identify those that may contribute to staff stress or hinder wellbeing. Consulting on modifications or new policies that actively promote a healthy work environment. Examples
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Consultation on school mental health systemsThis involves leveraging Rogers’ understanding of best practices in mental health care to advise schools on the development and implementation of comprehensive systems that support student and staff well-being. Examples
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Integrating wellbeing into existing structuresEmbedding wellbeing initiatives within the school’s existing operational framework rather than treating them as separate, add-on programs. This ensures long-term sustainability and demonstrates that wellbeing is a priority. Examples
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Leadership coachingCoaching specifically designed for school administrators and team leaders. This focuses on developing their leadership skills related to supporting staff wellbeing, creating a positive team culture, and effectively managing workplace dynamics that can impact stress levels. Examples
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Individual wellbeing coachingA confidential and supportive partnership between a trained coach and an individual staff member. The coach helps the staff member identify their wellbeing goals, explore challenges, develop strategies, and build self-awareness and resilience. This is particularly helpful for staff experiencing high levels of stress, burnout, or those seeking to proactively enhance their wellbeing. Examples
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Instructional coaching with a wellbeing lensIntegrating conversations and support around wellbeing into existing instructional coaching cycles. This recognizes that teacher wellbeing is intertwined with their classroom practice and provides a holistic approach to support. Examples
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Peer coaching programsTraining selected staff members to serve as peer coaches for their colleagues. This leverages internal expertise and fosters a culture of mutual support within the school. Peer coaches can provide a confidential and relatable source of support, sharing strategies and offering encouragement. Examples
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